谁 改变了我的世界
没有方向 没有日夜
我 看着天 这一刻在想你
是否会对我一样 思念

你 曾说我们有一个梦
等到那天 我们来实现
我望着天 在心中默默念
下一秒 你出现在眼前

想念的心 装满的都是你
我的钢琴 弹奏的都是你
我的日记 写满的都是你的名
才发现又另一个黎明

这是我对你爱的累积

Well, a reading week past without the reading part. Hmm, and well, stressed as it might be, the reading week wasn't smooth sailing at all. Nevertheless, did loads of travelling within this time though, and well, i shall keep the words short and in chronological order, we went:

Outside London:

1) Oxford - went all over oxford; but well, a regretful miss of christchurch.

2) Cotsworld - passing by through these little cottages while on the tour bus...

3) Stratford Upon Avon - hmm, the birthplace of shakespeare.

4) Warwick Castle - quite a nice place, high up on the the lands and really windy and cold! haha.

5) Paris! - the best destination.

The Eiffel Tower. My favourite structure! I could just sit down there and watch it for hours, really.





and this little inverted pyramid in Louvre Museum!



Hmm, Moulin Rouge! brings back memories...

6) Windsor Castle - Just another castle again. I liked the sweets though. lolx

7) Stonehenge - my next love.

Yes, Stonehenge! Wow! Amazing! Though it's just a few pieces of limestone stucked weirdly on a piece of land, it does bring about some form of peace in my mind. No doubt that I'm still in a delirious state of mind, i guess the strong winds, light rain and the scenary did work a little on me! Hmm, I guess I'll wanna repeat if the chance comes around. and well, the same for Eiffel Tower. I can simply repeat the Eiffel a million times. lolx.

8) Bath - and well, it's seriously just natural hot water.

Within London:

9) Madame Tussauds - a great place for camwhores!

10) London Eye - hmm, no difference w/ the Singapore Flyer, really.

11) SEA Life - just an underwater world! lolx

12) London Dungeons - damn cool! wahahha! Scary yes. But well, manageable and exciting! woots~

13) The Bridges, Museums & Musicals.

As much as I appreciate having these activities and travels taking place, somehow, I just can't help to control myself. My weird emotions. My weird character. My weird expectations. I never expected things to go so awry in just a matter of days, to the extent where it feels as though we're strangers today. I've changed just too much and I greatly apologise to all the people who took impact of my bad tempers, mood swings and emo spells.

As thankful as I can get to my handful of friends around me, I believe tiding over my own emotions ultimately lies on myself. I really hate to trouble people, taking up the time of others, or making others having a miserable time listening to my whines, emo fits and wadsoever. But well, because they were around, i'm around.

and from this moment onwards, life's gonna evolve to be extremely hectic. I enjoyed a flexible timetable for the past 5 weeks and now, labs have turned their attention on me. No more easy breaks and free afternoons. It's just gonna be labs, labs and more labs. Staying in the labs from 11am to 5pm everyday, and churning out lab reports all over again. and this time, 6 reports in 4 weeks. and consider my attitude towards academic these days, I'm really doubtful... somehow....


***********************
Because I knew you too well, I caused hurt.
Because I knew you too much, I caused trauma.
Because I wanted you so much, I caused today.
and today undeniably came.

Though it was really short, really fast paced, really memorable, but indefinitely, it was life changing - forever.
It has mixed so deeply into my life that I've forgotten how to run this life without this pillar of instruction.
Whenever I see something nice, I remember.
Whenever I do something special, I remember.
Whenever I stare blankly into the dark skies, I remember.
Whenever I look into the mirror, I remember.
Whenever I flip through my photo albums, I remember.
Whenever I view my texts, I remember.
Whenever I see my mail, I remember.
Whenever I have my meals, I remember.
Whenever I close my eyes, I remember.
Whenever I read, I remember.
Whenever I walk, I remember.
Whenever I eat, I remember.
Whenever I try not to remember, I still remembered.

and when I remember...
i dunno why...
but i still seem to want you by my side...

All these memories seems so deeply etched into my heart and mind. But well, I know, the tighter I hold, the higher chances you will suffocate. So well, I'm at a loss, and is definitely lost.

Though hope is frail... it's hard to kill...

***********************

and here, to my sickly grandmother, who is bed-ridden in the hospital once again. I do hope you'll be able to tide over this period and just for (at least) a few more months....

***********************

and so much so for a reading week. so dark, dreary and stressful.

What have I actually done?

wHat have I actually done?

whAt have I actually done?

whaT have I actually done?

what Have I actually done?

what hAve I actually done?

what haVe I actually done?

what havE I actually done?

what have I actually done?

what have I Actually done?

what have I aCtually done?

what have I acTually done?

what have I actUally done?

what have I actuAlly done?

what have I actuaLly done?

what have I actualLy done?

what have I actuallY done?

what have I actually Done?

what have I actually dOne?

what have I actually doNe?

what have I actually donE?

someone. answer me.

Hmmm... caught a movie that made alot of sense to me, this time around. Recommended by ZL, and wow! It did touched me. Hmmm, somehow, it felt so true, so complete and so well, indescribable. Though it's not a fabulous movie with a plot that fascinatingly exciting, this little film works its way as well.

a summer romance... that actually lasted. and how fate plays it part in every little thing.

omg omg. i can't believe i made a decision to spend so much in so little time! I'm already incurring higher expenses in this coming year and here, I can't believe I'm bringing myself on a travelling spree!

Well, I've just booked tickets for 4 flights in december. Shucks. and all it means is FATE SEALED. haha. and just as i've decided to join ks, pq, strider & daniel on their trip to Spain (recall that spain-a-ri-fic album series) last december, i've decided to head over to norway this december. and haha. i seriously think i'll freeze to death! lolx. and haha, tt's co'z the main place i actually wanna visit is in within the arctic circle. Somehow, I guess I would never have imagined myself stepping into a region so north, and so exotic. haha. (and this is all thanks to someone who made me realised the existence of norway in this world! lolx)

Honestly, I really suck at geography! The world map is nothing but a mixtures of green, blue and brown to me where i can't even identify my own country without squinting my eyes. haha. So well, I thought the atlas and I were really mutually exclusive (omg, sets...) until today! wahaha, where I actually had to use google so often that i can navigate it really quite well now! hahaha.

Hmmm, and well, flights to norway come really cheap! It's like SGD 60 for a one way flight to Oslo (all inclusive). lolx. BUT, the domestic flights within norway itself really sucks big time, and most like because it's one of the busiest season of holidays. lolx. But well, Norway stuffs are really damn kuku-ly ex. argh! The domestic flight from Oslo to Tromso costs like 4 times more the price of the London-Oslo flight la; and to think that was DOMESTIC! so crap. haha. but well, i was damn freakin bad again somehow. As I really knew nuts about norway, I initially wanted to take on a tour, full guided tour, where i just follow and do nothing. haha. So, I went on to book the package, received the iternary and subsequently received the payment advice. Being super calculative, I managed to pick out so many "excluded" stuffs within the package that I decided not to pay. lol.

But well, as I've received like a good iternary, I'm actually following it to some extent and guiding myself along the way! wahahah! and wow, I realised that saved me a whooping 200 ~ 300 pounds off the package price! wahhahaha. Shiokz! Being able to save just makes me really happy. wahahha. Anyway, yupz, it's really still a incredibly expensive trip - I could have flown back Singapore twice on a round trip for the amount i'm spending! lolx.

Hmmm, but after weighing out the many factors, I guess I wouldn't ever get the chance to go there ever again. Since it would be uber expensive to go there from SG. haha. and erm... i think i dun wanna suffer that kind of cold with age. haha. Hmmm, plus, activities like being able to see the aurora borealis (aka northern lights) [i hope...], dog sledding, reindeer sleighs, snowshoeing etc... sounds really like once in a lifetime. haha. So well, here's it.

Wahaha. 10 flights to round of last academic year. and i'm hitting 6 already by the end of december. Very very bad. and omg, the coming two weeks would also mean loads of travelling - at least it's not on planes!

Oh yea... I realise I always get really stress while booking air tickets! and the shitty world just wants to freak the shit out of me whenever I think that way! Argh... Just look at the screen below! Imagine getting this after u proceed for payment! Bloody Hell! Sway like nothing la! Flight Bookings are just stressful.

Wahaha. Killed some of my academic assignments this weekends! lolx. The feeling is damn shiok!

but well, zomg, unbelievably, I lost my debit card (on friday) and I only realised I lost it on monday! freakin omg! and wahhaha, Japanese Test was quite a nightmare! The radio quality was absolutely bad, and the words tested were never heard of before! Totally kesiao! haha. but well, I hope it'll be fine. It's the first test anyway! lolx

oh well, back to the debit! and wow! I found it back at the sainsbury (NTUC Xpress equivalent). Wa lao. and only did I realised they've got tons of ppl who lose it there too! wahahha! and that auntie was crapping w/ me for so long that a queue eventually form at the helpdesk. lolx.

Been feeling so weird lately - a farrago of emotions, hopes and dreams. Suddenly, I'm unaware of what I really want in life. Is it money? Is it company? Is it academic qualification? Is it success? and I wonder now, what the hell defines success in this era. It's indubitably subjective; targetting at the chasm of the mind.

I can say that more than 4 weeks has passed by fairly quickly; and there I'm seeing the grimace of my mid terms - sarcastically giving me that detestable look. and there, in the process of thinking, i sat down in the seat of my lecture hall, wondering why I chose chemistry. There were bounteous teeming choices available for me then, and yet, I chose this path of molecules, reactions and synthesis.

Just as I see my beloved counterparts picking up useful skills like computing, economics and finance or even law - here i am, dwelling in the laboratory (soon-to-be) and manipulating computational molecular models. Once again, I ask myself - is that the path that I really want?

No doubt I wanted teaching. I never will (at least for now) regret my actions in signing on the dotted line. However, why chemistry? and there… this questions simply rang a bell; and it brought me back to the day where I gave a whirl at my interview. but well, I guess there isn't much of a point to regurgitate my answer then here. I remembered how willing I was to trade Chemistry for Biology anytime at Secondary 3; and how impossible my chemistry knowledge were at the epilogue of Sec 2. But well, life really makes fun of me. I'm now majoring in a subject that I once scoffed, then loved, but never yet achieved the best results of out it before.

and here I am - sitting right in the front rows of the year two lectures - staring blankly into the mundane slides that were repeatedly used for the past X years. and there I realized I've put the lid on - so much so that it has become a routine of my life, instead of that "passion" I used to say.

However down and out this might sound, I'm glad it hasn't take a turn for the worse. Although I might be the only Singaporean now in my new tutorial group - i'm glad my capacity to accept haven't reduced. But well, it just seems so weird now - that despite having familiar faces all around me - i'm on my own… and that's my paradox of living abroad - separated by a 13 hour flight and an 8 hour time lag.

To top off the sadness, I've only got my internet ready just yesterday. and that meant that I was almost a "handicap" for the past one month or so. It's drastically sad to have to head to school on a daily basis (even on the weekends) just to do my downloads, MSNs, skyping and well, let's not blather into schoolwork.

and well, I had these wonderful independent experiences of handling all that admin a household should have. Subscribing for a house landline; Opening a Water Account; Opening a Gas Account; Opening an Electricity Account; Subscribing to the Internet Services; Housing Rents; Housing & Lease Agreements; Mobile Phone Maintenance… and all these concurrently with the abounding lectures and tutorials that betide.

and the only motivating factor that I had was honestly - for myself. It's just an undiluted sense of priggishness - one that I knew it was hard and yet I wanted to put myself into. I wanted to learn; for I knew it's either now or later. and much more so if I actually have aims to get a property of my own in time to come.

and now, Balloon Twisting. I wonder how in the right mind did I actually had the idea of opening this society in this foreign land. Albeit that my skills might possibly be of much recognizable standards here, it pales so much in comparison back in SG; and here I'm running the club with two full hands; hoping that it would run well. and well, i can only tell myself dream on. For a millionth time I had thoughts of closing it down, I realized that it was beyond my decision - if it's opened, it's open. and I've got to stand up to those who've given the club recognition by paying their annual premiums. and here, I could pour out so much to whine, bitch and yammer on - but well, that wouldn't bring me any further than I am now.

I shall try what I was once told:

"The tongue weighed practically nothing but not many people can hold it"

and I shall try my very best to do so; though it would almost be an insurmountable task.

and to relieve this load off my chest for a moment, I indulged in movies. loads of movies. loads of sad movies. But yet, none made me cry; and not even tear. It was really weird. Something that hadn't happened before. and I haven't got a clue why. But well, when it came to almost one of the last movie that I watched, Battle Royale I, I amazingly teared bait at some short scenes. Yes, the title was awkwardly untouching, but well, it provoked my thoughts that nettled on my emotions. and well, the show spoke of the fragileness of trust. the five letter word that paints out a picture even bigger than what a 50Megapixel camera photo could possibly print out!.

Apart from that, I went for my first musical of this academic year - Sister Act. As the sound of music musical has took its flight away from london, sister act had readily took up the venue of London Palladium. and wow! It was awesome (and no, i wasn't intending to sound like a native brit here!). Every little part of it was amazing. Though the stage transitions weren't as fanciful as that of Wicked; or the cast as huge as Les Miserables. It was definitely a prodigious experience where I enjoyed every moment of drama right before my eyes.

London Palladium


during the breaks.


the ticket stub.

Well, if there's a musical that I'ld have to watch again, it would only be this or wicked, i guess. and hahaha, just look how costly musical tickets are! and well, to think i manage to get my hands on them at more half price offers. If I'm into musicals in Singapore, I guessed I would be a pauper real soon.

Hmmm, and well, the next two musicals shall be Mamma Mia and Hairspray! Wow! and that's gonna cost me a whooping £44 in total, though the original total price would well hit £120? and now, I know, I don't want to lead a life that answers to everyone; I want to lead a life that answers to myself and only the people dear to me.

Cooking. Yes, the stomach needs to be filled. Thankfully, the cooking group seem to still be teeming with life. and well, despite the unavailability of many resources and so on, we managed to cook, and satiate our hunger to survive a better tomorrow. (zomg, and there i sounded so optimistic). But well, cooking might really be a chore, but well, it's once again a lifeskill - one that *god knows when* might come in handy.

and as unappetizing as some of these pictures may seem, it did what it was served to do. fill our stomachs.
(and haha, my ge-zhua-ness made me so weird effort into decorating my fried rice on the bottom right pic! lolx)

and so well, somehow, I'm a changed person. i'm shall be that inert Helium gas no more; and be that radioactive, carcinogenic mutagen of Uranium.

and there, I doubt if I would still be able to succeed this quote:

"When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling; Live your life so at the end, you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying."

But now, I want to hit the pinnacle of my productivity level.

I've grown out; and I need to grow up.

Hmmm, I guess I'm really getting back to my student mode. wahahha.

and wow, being awake until now (12.24am) chionging a report does remind me that I still have the ability to work! wahahha. I'm not that handicapped after all!

and i even finished 60% of my Jap work for the week! wahaha. (the remaining 40% is listening work, and tt just means i have to work from school.... )

I guessed I just played too much!

and now, WORK!